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Writer's pictureAmy DeAnda

Journal Entry on The Human Experience


This has truly been the year of breakthroughs.  REALLY BIG ONES.  So big I am still having trouble encapsulating them into sentences. 


You know how they say that healing isn't linear? Well I'm here to attest to that. And also that everything cannot be fixed at once... it's a process. You gotta TRUST the process. You can't rush it. Oh, and you can't fix the parts that aren't yours. No matter how much you wish you could. 


It is absolutely not an overstatement to say that I have overcome a lot. Sometimes I look back and wonder how the heck I did it. If you would've told me that my life was going to have unrelenting rocks being pelted at me from all angles for decades, deep grief, estrangements, abuses, and repeated struggles based on a long-held patterns that needed to get busted,  I'm pretty sure I would've just said "nope, hard pass!" I'm also not sure I would've believed that there was a way to grow through all that.


Three things that stand out to me that I feel like I need to share today: 


First, I'm not sure there's never a point in which we are actually "healed" ~ what is that when our entire lives are a never-ending journey of personal growth? I can't tell you how many times I thought I had some piece of it "all figured out", only to discover there was another layer....but these experiences are part of what we came here for, in these delicate skins we occupy. I think we probably should change the phrase "shit happens" to "layers happen" but I have learned that the more invested I am in the process of nurturing myself, the greater the understanding that awaits! I feel more prepared for what the next layer exposes, no matter what that looks like. 


Next, It's hard to be grateful for things that are painful, and I've thought a lot about what it means to express gratitude for the worst experiences. Where I've settled with it is that I see, for myself, how these things were necessary for my soul's growth. I can see now what parts are not "about me" but someone else's response to their own life experience that isn't mine to control or hold onto, physically or emotionally. I can see that I don't have control over the terrible things, but I have the choice to let go of any battle (internal or external) and focus instead on my own peace and understanding. This opens up doorways to grace and acceptance that cannot even be found until we're ready. These are the a-ha moments, the bold revelations, and the deep sighs of relief. Remember, I said it was a process! As a result, I find that I am softer yet stronger than ever before. I am solid and yet I am lighter than ever. I have loving boundaries but no walls to uphold. I am absolutely okay. And I am so worthy. 


And lastly, I share with certainty and confidence that you are NOT broken!!! None of us are ... we're all just having a human experience. I promise you have all the power you need inside you to find the lightest, softest, bestest version of yourself. 



.....and if you need help in the discovery process, the Garden is here for you. Please visit our Services page. The 2025 calendar of offerings is available now! I'd love for you to come grow with us.

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