It occurred to me recently that I'm tired. I realized I've been in full-on production mode since 2020, remodeling my house not just once but twice and bringing all aspects of a business to life. All this while continuing my own personal growth journey, living my most vibrant life, and taking care of and creating memories with my 80 year old dad. And now I just need to spend more time with myself. I feel a call to take a slow, deep breath and dive inward. I don't know what this means yet exactly but I think that's part of what I'm moving toward ~ the vulnerability of not knowing and still being certain.
Shifting gears is not easy for me.
Part of my continued personal work is my"overachiever-ness" ~ it's a great trait to have but I'm still learning that even in stillness, I am enough. I have a book about the Garden of the Goddesses I want to finish and it's time to commit to allowing myself the space and permission to fully embrace it. I want time to sit with words and cradle them before I set them in their perfect places. That means honoring the words by slowing down and dedicating myself to the outcome without distraction. It's time to eliminate debris and noise and embrace what feels like comfort and serenade for this part of the journey. I think of debris as all the barriers I place in my way that take up the hours I consider precious for creating. And the noise.... well, those are the excuses I give myself and how I reason with myself about that valuable time carelessly given away, as though it were a loan. It seems like I'm perpetually evaluating and making decisions about what stays or goes, physically and emotionally, but with change and growth I know it's necessary to evaluate the inner and outer spaces to make room for opportunities to be one's best self. I know these things look different for everyone. What do debris and noise look like for you? During this time I intend to say yes to more "self love" things. I have committed to a regular yoga practice and taking a harder look at what I put into my body. I want to spend more one-on-one time with the people who inspire me. Lastly, I want to enjoy the lightness of simply being. I've had this whole conversation with myself that goes something like "Well, isn't writing a book "producing?" Thanks, Self, for asking that question. Let me just put it on the record for myself so I can come back later and locate this little reminder: writing for me is a transformation. It is creative flow and when I'm "in it" there is no time, just the slow-motion feeling of taking a deep breath, releasing something from the formless and bringing it to life. It isn't work at all ....in fact, it's quite the opposite. It only asks that I sit with myself and not allow anything outside of me, or especially my own self-talk, to affect my flow. It means I have to sit down and be still. Do you hear that, Self? ....because I know you have it in you. Today I am here to share that I am ready to feel my way through my rawest, most vulnerable self and fully lean into all the things that resonate with that lightness of simply being.
Thank you for being here with me and I hope all of you are doing something to treat yourselves with kindness and love.
Current Affirmations: "I am taking the time to simply be" and "I feel myself unwinding"
I feel that. I started calling all the negativity that clouds the path I’m trying to follow “noise.” Whether it is self-doubt, others’ doubts, political and social anger, fear, negativity, it is all noise to me. I have been derailed by it my whole life and I decided recently that it is just noise. I can see through it. It’s an amazing feeling of possibility. I have met others who could see past it too, and I always wondered how they glide over and around it. Finally, I see it is easy and I believe in myself.